The greasier my hair, the sexier I am. raowrrr

It must be the way the oil makes the silver shine.

Last night we instituted Phase 2* of Making Julia a Lesbian. We took her to Cafe Med which is a wonderfully cheesy restaurant with AMAZING food. It's gay owned and gay operated and Kristin and I go there so often the owner's mother knows us. We love supporting a gay-owned business so much that we ignore the revolving tweaker hosts and waiters (young men the owner/manager is trying to save? I wonder. Hmmm), we don't go there for the service, we go for the food and the sarcophagus -- though there IS a really cute waitress who's been there forever and who I think is a lesbian and who I am SURE wants me. We don't see her very often, though. I think it's because she knows she can't have me and it's too painful for her to have to see me so happy with my partner.

So, we took Julia there last night and last night there was a bellydancer. She was pretty good. Her outfit was amazing. Very little skin was bare and yet it was so sexy. We turned Julia in her high chair around so she could see the dancer and Julia was entranced with the woman's shiny coin-covered bosoms. There was a big smile all over Julia's face and she was so excited she was flailing her arms and legs around and bobbing her head. Sometimes the bobbing was even in time to the music. The dancer obliged by coming over and dancing just for Julia. Julia was flirting up a storm. Our evil plan is working! Ha ha ha ha haaaaaa.

Really, though, the dancer waaaaaaanted me. Wanted me with a capital W. There were long moments of intense eye contact. She kept coming over and dancing right in front of me (and yes, you could say she was also dancing in front of Julia, but it was ME she had eyes for.) I finally turned to Kristin in delight that SOMEONE was flirting with me (no one EVER flirts with me, they ALWAYS flirt with Kristin) and Kristin said, "Oh, I thought it was me she was flirting with." But later during the third dance Kristin had to admit that yes, indeed, it was I the dancer wanted. Which is funny, cause I hadn't showered in well over 24 hours. I felt extremely UNsexy. And I was wearing a big, bulky sweater because Julia spit up all over my shirt right before we had to leave and the sweater was the quickest thing to put on. The sweater also made me look like twice my normal size. But there must be something about me unshowered, because the first time Kristin and I met I also hadn't showered that morning, and felt horribly unattractive, and Kristin was totally hot for me from the get go. Just ask her, she'll tell you. But I should warn you, she talks in code. When she answers you with a "I liked her despite the fact I thought she had a serious hygiene problem" you should know that she really means "I liked her because of her earthy aesthetic." Just so you don't get confused.

*Phase 1 consisted of forcing Julia to cross-dress. We make certain to confuse the child about her true gender on a regular basis by dressing her in (gasp) BOYS CLOTHES. And we don't dress her in pink nearly often enough. We're so evil.

Posted by Trista @ 7:53 AM

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Hahaha! Maybe you're on to something. Shower less often, and you never know what will happen.

Posted by Blogger StateShift @ 12:46 PM #

"and the sarcophagus"? Inquiring minds want to know.

Posted by Blogger Jen @ 5:20 PM #

As someone who has been belly-dancing since the age of four, I'd like to point out that it is one of the more acceptable ways women are to make eye contact. To Oriental dance is to be in power. You look at the people you dance for; they are your audience. For them not to look back is an insult. And to dance in 'mixed company' is a recent thing too.

That said, if you got the vibe that she wanted you, you know it. Did you tip her?

Posted by Blogger Lorem ipsum @ 5:42 PM #

Hi Trista. TOTALLY nonrelated comment, but it looks like we are co-queens of potty poetry. Yay for us!

Yours was better than mine. So I'm humbled to share the title with you. ;)

Merry Christmas!

Posted by Blogger clew @ 7:09 PM #

Belly dancing is sexy. In my book anyone with boobs who is willing to shimmy is sexy. But I'm also about to ovulate and my sex drive is UP. :)

Posted by Blogger Sacha @ 11:21 PM #

"Last night we instituted Phase 2* of Making Julia a Lesbian."

Hysterical! I love your sense of humor.

Posted by Blogger Sue's World @ 11:44 AM #

OK, I read this last week and I've tried to make sense of it for the past few days.
No dice.
There are two coffee shops near where I work. One (let's call it Shop A) I know for certain is gay-owned and the second (Shop B) is not. Now, if I followed your example, I would patronize the straight-owned shop regardless of all other factors. And if everyone in my town followed your example, the gay-owned shop would soon go out of business based on simple demographics alone. As it is, I happen to patronize Shop A for one reason - the coffee is better.
Second, by patronizing gay-owned establishments above all others, you're tribalizing the gay community, which only serves to draw a dividing line between it and the community at large. Rather than integrating (and normalizing) yourselves into society, you're creating micro-cliques - that's the gay barbershop & that's the straight one, that's the gay restaurant and that's the straight one, that's the gay bar & that's the straight one. What better way to demonstrate to people the inherent value of gay relationships then to sit down at a restaurant (regardless of ownership orientation) and showing everyone how normal and healthy your relationship is? That's how you make homophobia go away - not by creating some GLBT utopia.
Third, don't you think that you're validating the concerns of you family (see posts below) by going beyond "normalizing" your relationship and instead giving it "most favored" status above all others?

Posted by Blogger Anonymous Assclown @ 5:18 AM #
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