It must be the way the oil makes the silver shine.
Last night we instituted Phase 2* of Making Julia a Lesbian. We took her to Cafe Med which is a wonderfully cheesy restaurant with AMAZING food. It's gay owned and gay operated and Kristin and I go there so often the owner's mother knows us. We love supporting a gay-owned business so much that we ignore the revolving tweaker hosts and waiters (young men the owner/manager is trying to save? I wonder. Hmmm), we don't go there for the service, we go for the food and the sarcophagus -- though there IS a really cute waitress who's been there forever and who I think is a lesbian and who I am SURE wants me. We don't see her very often, though. I think it's because she knows she can't have me and it's too painful for her to have to see me so happy with my partner.
So, we took Julia there last night and last night there was a bellydancer. She was pretty good. Her outfit was amazing. Very little skin was bare and yet it was so sexy. We turned Julia in her high chair around so she could see the dancer and Julia was entranced with the woman's shiny coin-covered bosoms. There was a big smile all over Julia's face and she was so excited she was flailing her arms and legs around and bobbing her head. Sometimes the bobbing was even in time to the music. The dancer obliged by coming over and dancing just for Julia. Julia was flirting up a storm. Our evil plan is working! Ha ha ha ha haaaaaa.
Really, though, the dancer waaaaaaanted me. Wanted me with a capital W. There were long moments of intense eye contact. She kept coming over and dancing right in front of me (and yes, you could say she was also dancing in front of Julia, but it was ME she had eyes for.) I finally turned to Kristin in delight that SOMEONE was flirting with me (no one EVER flirts with me, they ALWAYS flirt with Kristin) and Kristin said, "Oh, I thought it was me she was flirting with." But later during the third dance Kristin had to admit that yes, indeed, it was I the dancer wanted. Which is funny, cause I hadn't showered in well over 24 hours. I felt extremely UNsexy. And I was wearing a big, bulky sweater because Julia spit up all over my shirt right before we had to leave and the sweater was the quickest thing to put on. The sweater also made me look like twice my normal size. But there must be something about me unshowered, because the first time Kristin and I met I also hadn't showered that morning, and felt horribly unattractive, and Kristin was totally hot for me from the get go. Just ask her, she'll tell you. But I should warn you, she talks in code. When she answers you with a "I liked her despite the fact I thought she had a serious hygiene problem" you should know that she really means "I liked her because of her earthy aesthetic." Just so you don't get confused.
*Phase 1 consisted of forcing Julia to cross-dress. We make certain to confuse the child about her true gender on a regular basis by dressing her in (gasp) BOYS CLOTHES. And we don't dress her in pink nearly often enough. We're so evil.