12.22.2005
now you all know me so much better, don't you?
Thought I would regale you all with snippets of my life yesterday. Not a "day in the life of" exactly, more of an "evening in the life of"
Snippet #1
Upon first returning home from work, with Julia in her car seat weighing me down, opened the kitchen door to be greeted by 2 large, loving dogs. With instincts honed by years of living with these two dogs, realized that they were acting guilty and shooed them out of the house so I could inspect the damage without the distraction of their apologies. Walked into the kitchen to the sight of a chewed-to-pieces weekly pill case (the plastic kind with compartments for each day of the week) and pills scattered all over the kitchen and dining room. Reached for my camera to document the destruction and realized that I hadn't yet put the new battery in and I needed to count pills RIGHT AWAY to figure out if any had been ingested by Oliver (the one who likes to chew pill cases -- this is not the first time this has happened). Left Julia in her car seat while I crawled on hands and knees through drifts of dog and cat hair gathering slobbered, slimy, and hairy pills. Counted the pills and determined that though many had been savored, none had been swallowed. Sighed at the realization that those previously saliva'd pills would still have to be swallowed by someone.
Snippet #2
Pulled the high chair out of the garage and cleaned off all the dirty ice and mud (our garage roof has a major leak). Put Julia in highchair and had to wedge her in with 2 fleece blankets to keep her upright. She's great at holding her head up but she is completely miniscule in the high chair. Thought she looked so damn cute that I would take a picture. Went to put in new battery for digital camera only to discover that we had bought the WRONG battery. Spent a precious few moments HATING our digital camera (a top-of-the-line camera 5 years ago that has more features than I will ever use (it was a present and not to me) that's rechargable battery has gone bad and is too expensive to replace and thus the camera uses disposable batteries like kleenex -- come to think of it we've spent more on diposables than if we had just bought a new rechargable, but it's a cash-flow problem).
Snippet #3
Decided to cheer myself up by (finally) putting in the Carpenters' 2 classic Christmas albums while cleaning the house. Paused in my sweeping to savor the exquisite moment when Karen's voice rises above the fading orchestra on the first crystal note of "The Christmas Waltz". Wept a little at the beauty of its perfection. Joined my voice to Karen's in song while gathering enough animal hair off the floor to create at least a litter of puppies and a couple of stray kittens. Thought briefly of grabbing the camcorder to record Julia trying to sing with Karen, too. Decided to let it go and just enjoy this moment of bonding over a mutual love of magnificent music.
Snippet #4
While washing dishes and moving my hips to the music (Julia contentedly looking at the toys on her high chair tray and occasionally singing) reviewed with no little salaciousness my long-time fantasy of having sex on a rug in front of a Christmas tree while listening to Karen Carpenter sing Christmas music (particularly "Merry Christmas, Darling" but of course the sex would take longer than just that one song) with only the light of the Christmas tree for illumination. Wondered if I am the only person ever to have that fantasy.
Snippet #5
At Kristin's urging, opened a box marked "from the elves" to be confronted by... a jar of salsa and a turkey baster(again, I would have taken a picture but...). It seems some of Kristin's co-workers think we should get started on that second child since our first one is so damn cute. (The elves, in their so-pleased-with-their-funniness-ness must have overlooked the fact that we didn't get pregnant that cycle. Ehh, who cares. It was a very funny present.)
Let me give a little back story here. It was maybe our 4th, maybe our 5th cycle. Kristin ovulated a little later than we had thought (we had already inseminated thinking that she had ovulated and then she really ovulated). We called our donor for an extra, emergency (because we were sure all the previously deposited swimmers must be dead and this was our last chance this cycle), deposit. He said he would be happy to produce for us; to make it easy on everyone this time he would produce in his home and meet us at the door with the good stuff so we could take it home and get busy with it. "Do you have anything to put the stuff in?" (besides the coffee mug we had had to use in a previous cycle and that we all agreed was not the best decision of container) "Oh yeah, I have that jar from the salsa you made me." "Ummm, did you wash it really, really well?" "Of course I did!" "Ok, I'll be there in 15 minutes." I left Kristin to get ready and headed out. He gave me the salsa jar in a discreet little brown bag and I raced home. Once there, I pulled out the jar and opened it up and we were nearly overcome by the smell of salsa semen. Yeah. Yum. Spicy. And us fresh out of tortilla chips. He had washed the jar really well, but had neglected to wash the lid. And you know what? We used it anyway.
The End
Read or Post a Comment
Gayle and I were having dinner at Carraba's last Friday night, and it's VERY LOUD, as an Italian restaurant should be, and there was amid the cacophony the thin essence of Christmas music. I wasn't really paying attention to the music because, well, it was just another noise, but suddenly, with my fork full of Mezzaluna halfway between the plate and my mouth, I shouted, "I hear Karen Carpenter!" Sure enough, Christmas Waltz was playing, and suddenly it was the only sound I could hear. And this is a REALLY long comment, the point of which is, I hear you, sister. I love Karen Carpenter, too.
I can't believe you used the salsa sperm! This is too funny and it made me laugh and laugh (and I'm at work). I think sperm stories are my new favorite genre.
Well, I'll have to join in on the sperm stories then. During our first month of post-mole inseminating, we had to go out of town to my sister's graduation (figures, right?). Which meant we had to take the boyz with us, in a handy cooler, ON AN AIRPLANE. We were quite nervous going through security and explained that there was a "medical sample" in the cooler to one TSA agent, who was quite freaked out. Her co-worker, who did not hear the explanation, kept asking, "So whatcha got in there? Crabcakes?" despite our repeated denials.
Luckily, he wasn't so interested as to get up off his chair and come investigate....
(for the whole story, see the May archives )
As for #4, no you are not the only one, and if you put down a nice blanket and warm the room up, it is as nice as you think it can be.