10.20.2005
I do not heart Murphy
Why is it that whenever I have a moment or morning of blissfull happiness I cannot hold onto it? Something comes and stomps it to pieces. Is it me or is it fate?
Things that contributed to my happiness yesterday:
- Emails from friends
- A flatteringly quick response back from Spork agreeing (because they like my work so much) to what I thought was an unreasonable request from me regarding the lay-out of my poems
- Finding some time to write creatively
- Having a woman in Great Britain call a piece of my writing "brilliant"
- My Antja CD
- Julia's bumbo seat arriving
Things that contributed to the squashing flat and grinding to dust my happiness yesterday:
- Having our daughter gone for 15 hours -- 2.5 hours longer than we had thought she'd be gone
- My partner's grief at having to go back to work early and thus necessitating Julia's extended foray away from home
- My own grief at not being able to provide for our family alone so that my partner wouldn't have to go back to work early
- Being told that my Grandma was having a fatal heartattack -- no, no, now it's that her lungs are collapsing -- no, no, now it's just that they're filling with fluids for no reason -- no, no, now it's that...
My Grandma was stabilized last night, for which I am beyond thankful. My mood today, however, feels anything but stable. I am working hard, though, to recapture the happiness. Took a walk today and that was lovely. This really is a pretty city.
Sorry to burden y'all with my mood swings. But I couldn't stand to leave the happy post as the one most current and I am very against deletion...
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Oh honey... I'm sorry you're having such a shitty day. I'm glad that your grandmother is stable.
I feel guilty all the time because at this point I cannot support Jean and Charlie 100%. But you know what, if I could, I would find something else to be guilty about.
Listen to your cool new CD, put Julia in her Bumbo (I hope I haven't puffed it up to something it turns out not to be for you... because I know if Julia doesn't immediately propose to it you're hurt me), and hang out with the girlfriend and let her whine about her shitty day. And then have tacos. Mmm... tacos...
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Ugh. Sorry you've had such a rough roller-coaster. Know that we're out here listening and rooting for you.