Other than Lesbian Families (people with whom I have had face time, people I email frequently, people to whom I've talked on the phone, people who don't fit in categories, and people that I wish I could stalk, among others)
What does it say about our parenting and housecleaning skills that...
Towards the top of the Top Ten Words Julia is Most Likely To Say In a Given Moment is the word "dirty"
One of her most clearly articulated phrases is "Oh Shit." And yet we still swear like donkey-fucking sailors around here.
We didn't get around to baby-proofing the kitchen cabinets until AFTER Julia had discovered the singular joy of stacking up and knocking over the canisters upon canisters upon containers upon bottles (all of which are partially open, or ripped open, or lids lost or whatever) of dangerous, skin-dissolving, blind-making, dipilatory-like toxic chemicals we keep under the sink cabinet in the hopes that one day we'll be inspired to clean. And even then we waited until my dad came over because after all, if she wasn't dead, blind, maimed, scarred yet what were the chances?
When I discovered her playing in the dog bowls, again (we just can't seem to train the dogs not to need to eat or drink), I firmly told her "No" like I'd been trained to do in such circumstances. She looked at me and uttered something that sounded very similar to, "But Mother, I am conducting an experiment to determine exactly how many kernels of dog food it takes to soak up the precisely 1.2 liters of water contained in the water dish. I have a theory that the absorbancy of the dog food is affected by whether or not I have sucked on it first." And I went ahead and let her continue because it sounded like a good enough reason to me.
I've given up mopping and sweeping every day because it's easier just to lint roll the baby when she needs it than keep the floors clean to begin with.
Our first response when someone informs us that Julia is eating something she picked up off the ground/floor/restaurant high chair is to say, "eh, it's good for her immune system."
The baby that we intended only to eat organic, whole-grain, no-processed-sugar, transfat-free, cooked using only solar and geo-thermal energy foods has become so familiar with costco churros that she begins squealing in delight when we pass the Costco food court, knowing that if she acts cute enough I'll break down and buy her one.
My 13 month old laughs at off-color jokes. The incriminating thing isn't that she laughs, she laughs at everything, but it's the fact that we are still telling (and enjoying) off-color jokes in her vicinity.
When she poops in the bathtub we don't bother scouring the tub and sterilizing the bath toys. We just rinse it and them off. Because, you know, shit happens.
The dogs have occassionally gotten a hold of and eaten dirty diapers, and the only thing that bothers me about this is that they don't manage to ingest all the pieces and so there's always something left over for me to clean up.