9.29.2006
Holy Fucking CRAP!
Do you know what just happened in my house?
Do you KNOW
what just HAPPENED
in my HOUSE???
I was getting Julia ready for bed. Fuzzy, footie pajamas. Lots and lots of kisses. No need for a bottle, she finished one on the way home from Dinner with the Dean (of Kristin's SW school). I turn the waves CD on. I pull the curtains. I turn the light off. I settle in with Julia in the rocker, thinking I'm going to be there for the usual 20 to 30 minutes, with the usual two false starts laying down in the crib.
But she's tossing. She's turning. She's grunting. She's giving me kisses and then pushing my head away. She's twisting, she's kicking. She just cannot get comfortable. I'm rocking, rocking, rocking, she's getting ornerier and ornerier.
So I get up. I put her in her crib. She sighs. I put the side of the crib up. She does not cry. She does not cry for me. She sighs again. I walk out the door. She does not cry.
Holy shit! She just went to sleep completely on her own. She didn't need me. She didn't WANT me to rock her to sleep.
You know how the other day I was wishing Kristin could be a sleepy mommie too so I didn't have to put Julia to bed with the rocking, rocking, rocking every night? I take that back.
This is a good thing, right? It'll make things so much easier, right? It's what happens when they grow up, right? It was bound to happen sooner or later, right?
So why do I feel so bereft?
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Congratulations! I promise you will be glad about this in a day or two. But that first night is always hard.
I feel your pain! Some months back G was sick and for the whole day all she wanted to do was sit in my lap and be rocked. I was in heaven! Even though I wouldn't for anything go back to trying to rock her to sleep, you do start to treasure the few moments of rocking time that you do get.
I KNOW. It's like what you pray for from the moment they are born, sometimes you even wish you could give them a pill or konk them over the head to make them slepp, then when it happens your like "DON'T YOU NEED ME ANYMORE?"
I SWEAR I was just blogging about this - now, after Goodnight Moon, I pick her up, HOPING for a little snug, but she pushes against my chest, and the second I put her in her crib, she grabs her lovie, rolls over, and goes to sleep!
I mean the NERVE!
But then yesterday, I was the victim of a freely given hug, and my entire body and soul just melted right there on the spot.
And then? Last night, she let me snug her on the walk from the sofa in her room to the crib.
heaven.
I hope that Miss Julia realizes the error of her ways...
and soon.
i think it has something to do with getting used to being completely and totally needed...when they stop in certain ways it's startling...and yes, sad!
Charlie does it too sometimes. He rolls around on the bed for about ten minutes, kicks me in the face once or twice, pinches my nipples, and then falls asleep.
And he STAYS asleep. The last week or so he has slept from bedtime (7-10, depending on the night. Schedules are for pussies) to 7ish in the morning. WOWOWOWOWOWOWOW
Thats good! Don't feel bad though. Do you want to be rocking her to sleep when she is 10? It is good to get her in the habit now.