I come home, toss my purse aside, throw my lunch bag in the general direction of the sink (that is, if I've remembered to bring it in from the car), and look around for my baby. I give her kisses, make obnoxious noises at her, sometimes pick her up and make her do a little dance, jostle her, annoy her, and basically do everthing I can to make her laugh. I'm trying to fit an entire day's worth of exuberant interaction into the short time I have before we begin the above-mentioned routine where we're trying to mellow out and induce peaceful slumber-type leanings.
Sometimes when I come home other things intrude upon this time, things like: depression; dissatisfaction with my job; my volunteer work; or a sense of impending doom from a million things undone, unplanned, neglected, pushed off. On these days, our roles reverse, and it's Julia doing everything she can to annoy me, distract me, capture my attention, make me laugh. She blows raspberries, coos, babbles, screetches, makes a bub, bub, bub sound by flipping her lips with her fingers. She throws her body towards me as I walk by where ever she is -- even if she's in her other mom's arms and that other mom is doing everything she can to draw Julia's attention herself. I can't resist this kind of assault and cave, abandoning my bad mood/preoccupation/ranting/pacing/dish washing to give in to her requests and pick her up and give her kisses and let her pull my hair and poke my eyes and strangle me with my necklace (I have got to take my necklace OFF!) and pinch my lips and smear my glasses and give me kisses which turn into trying to bite me.
How can stay in a bad/anxious mood under an assault like that?
Well, I can, because sometimes I am just that stubborn, but it's really really hard.