8.03.2005
timing, tension, toes
We now have everything ready for the baby, whenever she decides to make an appearance. She's due August 28th, but Kristin had bloody show Sunday night, and yesterday our midwife said that her cervix is ripe and dilated 1+. Of course, she also said that women can sit that way for weeks. Everything else is fine. Strange. It actually looks like Kristin could carry this baby another 3 or so weeks, despite her hugely swollen feet and toes that look like those big, purple globe grapes. This is good news, so why are we so conflicted? We've spent so much of this pregnancy waiting for problems -- on and off bed rest, a bazillion blood-pressure readings, bi-weekly NST tests and so many ultrasounds that we’ve gotten a bit blasé about them-- certain that this little girl was going to make an early, emergency appearance, that to be told she might not be here until 40 weeks is a little disappointing. I know, I'm a bad person.
It's just that I found out my unemployment* ends next week, and I've got a new job that I'm waiting to start, but I put off the start date because I need to be there for the birth and am nervous to start a new job (with the federal government) with the conversation: "Hi, I know I'm new, but I need to take an unspecified amount of time off, I'm sure it won’t be more than 5 days, on absolutely no notice. Why? Well, because I need to be at the birth of my lesbian love child..." This reluctance on my part does NOT mean that I plan to be closeted at work. Far from it. It just means that I don't want to start a new job asking for concessions a new employer might be extremely reluctant to give. I don't want to have to quit (something that I really can't do given our financial state) and don't want to be fired, and I don't want to miss the birth. But if the baby were to be born in the next week or so, I could probably call and ask for the original start date back (Aug 22) and that would only put us 1 week without any income from me. That's do-able. Of course, it isn't up to me. It isn't up to Kristin. It's up to Kristin's womb. And the womb doesn't care about jobs/unemployment/losing the house...
*Why, you ask, are we pregnant while I'm unemployed? Aren't you two women? This pregnancy couldn't have been an accident, how could you get pregnant in your state of financial insecurity? Well, it's a long story, and this post is long enough. Suffice it to say, we planned this pregnancy to the nth degree. But you can't plan life. The month we got pregnant was the month the non-profit I worked for was the victim of budget cuts. We found out only AFTER we inseminated.
Read or Post a Comment
Thanks for your comment. I checked out your blog. It looks interesting.
I'm holding hard to faith that everything will work out the way it's supposed to. It's just sometimes it's hard...