11.28.2006

10 reasons it's a good thing my beta was less than one

  1. Because not knowing what day of my cycle I'm on adds a bit of excitement and mystery to my otherwise humdrum existence.
  2. I've gained a greater self-awareness. I'm not moody and over-sensitive and snappish because I'm hormonal and pregnant. I'm like that just because I'm a bitch.
  3. Hot Buttered Rum for breakfast.
  4. I'm that much closer to getting my own paragraph in a paper about reproductive medical mysteries. 15 minutes of fame, here I come!
  5. If I wanted, I could take a taxidermy class. It's always nice to know my educational options are open.
  6. The smell and feel of semen drizzling from my lady-bits are such exquisite sensations; and now I get to experience them again!
  7. People are finally starting to believe me when I tell them that I have it on good authority that God hates me.
  8. The longer it takes to get me pregnant, the closer scientists get to being able to merge ovums, thus increasing the chances that my wife can knock me up herself. How cool would that be? There's another 15 minutes of fame right there. At this rate I might get to be famous for a whole half a day.
  9. One more month (at least) to build up my fat stores for pregnancy.
  10. Because with all the x-rays, antibiotics, codeine, drinking, and admiring of greenery I've been doing this past couple of weeks, if I had been pregnant, I probably would have given birth to a one-flippered manatee. And though no doubt, no doubt, I would have loved my one-flippered manatee, just think of all the teasing it would have encountered in school what with having only the one flipper.

Posted by Trista @ 8:36 AM

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This is hilarious. You funny.

Posted by Blogger Blue @ 5:01 PM #
 

I snarfed my wine at #6 - and remember it oh.so.well...UGH!

Posted by Blogger Shelli @ 7:12 PM #
 

So sorry, my dear.

I admire your ability to turn all this stress into very funny stories.

Posted by Anonymous Liza @ 7:25 AM #
 

Oh, I'm sorry Trista. That really sucks. (((hugs))) Oh, and if you need company for that taxidermy class...

Posted by Anonymous Anne @ 8:20 AM #
 

I, too, am amazed at how you turn things like this into humor.

I know this cycle is being nutty, but not every cycle will be. Quality, not quantity, right? Hugs.

Posted by Blogger Co @ 8:39 AM #
 

I just adore manatees, but not sure what to buy for an infant one. A one flippered onsie?

Posted by Blogger mermaidgrrrl @ 4:32 PM #
 
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