9.08.2006

I am a royal fucking bitch

edited to remove offensive and insensitive and very-poorly-thought-out language. To anyone I offended, I am deeply sorry.

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Well, actually, several times this morning. All night long, nightmares. I woke up over and over and over from bad dreams. It has totally soured my day. I snarled at Kristin this morning. I didn't smile at Julia (though I did give her lots of kisses). I screamed at people who dared to drive the speed limit right in front of me (acting as holier-than-thou Keepers of the Speed), and I threatened to run over an old man if he didn't get out of the god damned crosswalk before I got to it. My radio station has been playing all the songs that I find MOST annoying. And my bangs look like a dead cat's fur.

I really don't want to be at work today. I think I might skip out for a few hours and try to drown my miserable existence in a taco salad. I love me some taco salad.

What I really want is a reading. Tarot, runes, I don't care. I just need some fucking insight already.

I have, though, decided to enter my manuscript in a book prize. I doubt I'll win. Complete waste of the $25 entry fee. But what the hell, my life is down the crapper anyway (see what people are having to deal with here?)

Query:

Would you work for a company that made a urine drug test part of their hiring process? Wait. I've never taken one before, so I don't know if this is standard operating practice, but a UA where the people watch you while you pee. And not just, you know, watch from a respectful distance, but one where they make you open your legs so they can SEE the pee leaving your body. Basically treating you like a drug-addicted criminal. Would you agree to that? Or would you tell them to shove it up their collective ass and refuse to allow your body privacy to be violated like that with no reasonable cause? Just curious. Someone (not naming names here) seems to think that my outrage over what was done to them is overreacting. (or I'm projecting that onto them and they don't really think that but I THINK that they think that, which is most likely what is really going on here, projections on top of projections.) True, the fact that I feel violated just hearing what was done to them is probably an overreaction. But the fact that I would refuse to take a test like that doesn't seem to me to be an overreaction. It seems a rather reasonable reaction. What do you think? (I'll try not to squash your heads like a grape between my thighs)

Posted by Trista @ 9:33 AM

Read or Post a Comment

If you don't have other ways to get a reading, I could do a phone tarot reading for you....

Posted by Anonymous Pronoia @ 10:20 AM #
 

Dear Trista,

Please come over for dinner and (drinks) tonight. It sounds like you're having a rough day, and could use some friendly pampering.

I do not think you're over-reacting on the urine test. If they want it, fine, but they don't need to watch me. I'd feel icky. I may feel different if it was a part of my probation for drug trafficing, but since that's not the case, it seems a bit extreeme.

Taco Salad...good.

Posted by Blogger J @ 10:43 AM #
 

Oh J, thank you. I'll head over just as soon as my private jet finishes getting detailed... drinks sound lovely.

Pronoia, I'll let you know. There's a good chance I'll take you up on your generous offer.

Posted by Blogger Trista @ 11:04 AM #
 

First, hysterical rant, I totally have days like that and laughed the entire time I read.

Regarding the drug screen, I'd tell that job to KISS MY ASS! I use to be a drug counselor and had to watch people pee through a two sided mirror and it grossed me out. But for a job??? They'd have to pay some serious loot to get me to even consider it.

Posted by Anonymous Amy @ 11:35 AM #
 

No way, Are you serious? That is so stupid. We will have fun tonight, don't you worry.

Posted by Blogger Merr @ 1:27 PM #
 

I'd be outraged! Drug screening has become the norm but that's taking it all too far.

Posted by Blogger Unacknowledged Genius @ 1:49 PM #
 

First, I'm with you on the drug test. Ick.

Also, I don't mean to be insensitive, but you're damn funny when you are a DFB. Maybe not funny to pedestrians, but definitely to fellow bloggers.

It's the weekend. I hope you're doing something Damn Fucking Fun.

Posted by Blogger hd @ 3:30 PM #
 

So sorry...please replace DFB above with "RFB." And the last sentence should read Royal Fucking Fun. :o)

Posted by Blogger hd @ 3:32 PM #
 

Right there with you on the pee test. I won't say I'd *never* do it, but I'd have to be really fucking desperate for whatever job it was. REALLY fucking desperate.

Posted by Blogger Anne @ 5:26 PM #
 

Well, just to give you an idea of the employer's point of view: we employ only nine people, and they are required to operate heavy machinery. Our liability and workmman's comp insurance is exhorbitant. Some stoner backs over a cliff in a track hoe, but doesn't have the courtesy to die from the fall (kidding!) means we've got PROBLEMS. So. What we tell the guys we hire is this: if you have an accident at work, and have to go to the hospital, fill out the workman's comp forms, UNLESS you think perhaps you might fail a drug test, because a workman's comp claim requires a negative drug test. A positive drug test means a) you get no workman's compensation, and b) our insurer fires us unless we fire you, and if we don't fire you, and our insurer fires us, we're fucked as far as finding another insurer goes.

Frankly, I'm not so ashamed of the hoo-hah that I'd lose the opportunity for good work over something as clinical as a piss test.

Sometimes a UA is called for, other times it's not. When it is, I believe a witness is sometimes reasonable.

Posted by Blogger zilla @ 5:47 PM #
 

I haven't been screened for drugs since at least college. Or maybe it was high school. And no, no one watched. But I guess trading in clean pee is big bucks now, and they want to make sure it's really yours.

I personally am opposed to drug testing in general. It's an invasion of privacy. What's next - fingerprinting?

Posted by Blogger Lorem ipsum @ 7:13 AM #
 

um, wow. I cannot believe you just used the word retarded to describe your bangs. When you hear a bad joke do you say it was gay? When a black person makes you mad do you call them a nigger? Because you may as well.

Suppose Julia were retarded, would the word still be tossed around like an insult? Yeah, didn't think so.

I do happen to have a mentally retarded sibling and I do not appreciate you turning a serious medical condition into an insult. Half of her brain is DEAD! She functions at a 3 year level. Bad hair day, dead brain, sure I see where you were going.

And you of all people should know better. You who faces discrimination daily simply by the life you live.

I'm sorry to say that I will not be reading here anymore. I do hope you are able to see how fucked up that was.

Flame away, but you all know if someone threw the word gay around and Trista took offense, you'd circle the wagons.

Posted by Anonymous Anonymous @ 3:04 PM #
 

RE: Anonymous's down-dressing, take heart. I've been dressed down via e-mail for using the phrase "workman's comp" here. My apologies to any female people who felt excluded by my use of the phrase. 1) Old habits die hard and 2) I have never, personally, felt slighted or excluded over the use of any word with the suffix "-man," however, um, developmentally delayed that means I am.

Posted by Blogger zilla @ 4:14 PM #
 

Dear Anonymous Hater:

My policy is to delete hateful comments that are left anonymously. Strange, I know, because just because someone leaves a name doesn't mean it's their real name... but still, it's the principal of the thing. If you're going to complain, or make a contrary point, or chew someone out, it shows integrity to do it to the person's face. Since this is the internet, and that's not really possible, you should at least leave a name or send me an email so we can discuss the matter.

But I've decided to leave your comment up. Because you do have a bit of a point. It was incredibly insensitive of me to use that word as a derogatory term for the way my bangs looked. I have cousins who are mentally handicapped so I know about a lot of the trials and frustrations and stigma that go along with the condition. And normally I wouldn't use such language.

But the whole point of the post was to show what a horrible person I am. What a mean, nasty, thoughtless, insensitive, royal, fucking bitch I am. How no one should like me and everyone should avoid me. So I guess I can take your reaction as a measure of my success.

And, frankly, if you're the same anonymous hater who has left sniping comments about perceived sexism in some of my fiction. And if you're the same anonymous hater who has sent harrassing emails to some of the women who comment here and are trusting enough to have their emails posted so people can contact them; then good riddance. It's the internet, so I can't really keep people from reading in the first place, if they so wish, but I can sure as hell offend them away...

Posted by Blogger Trista @ 6:53 PM #
 

well, it's all kind of like the phone tapping by Mr. Bush, isn't it?

Personally, I have nothing to fear - infact, LET him listen in on some lesbian conversation! Muhahahaah.

However, I DO know some folks who respect their privacy a bit more than I, of few boundaries do. And I tend to get my knickers all in a twist when shit like that goes down. I am, afterall, the chick who pisses off the clerk by asking WHY is such and such a policy? They should post a SIGN that if they are closing at 5 that my daughter and I can't com e in at 4:50, etc. etc. etc. SO yeah, I'd be all pissy too.

And I think the compnay asking for said pee may have been burned a few too many times, but in my opinion, that's a TOTAL violation of privacy.

But then again, I seriously can't imagine ANYONE who'd volunteer for THAT job - "pee checker." And did THEY have to pee in a cup to get THAT job?

Posted by Blogger Shelli @ 11:06 AM #
 
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