I agreed to be interviewed by Blondie. Here is what she wanted to know about me.
- If you had one gripe about Utah, what would it be? If I had ONE gripe? Ha. Hahaha. Ha. One gripe. That's funny. One. Well, I guess, if I had to pick one it would be... Straight, LDS Men, and the Straight, LDS Women Who Love Them and who combined think that just because Brigham Young and a bunch of emigrants happened to stop in this lovely valley and put down foundation stones that that means that they can create a theocracy here and impose their values and their judgments and their skewed vision of the world on everyone else who happens to live and love the land here. And that they can do so while smiling at you and telling you that it's for the greater good that we can't get beer (above 3.2%) and wine anywhere other than a state-owned liquor store (closed on Sundays, Holidays and Election days), that we can't have a hate-crimes law with any teeth, that foster children are better off in group homes than placed with gay and lesbian couples, that we have to spend public money and time debating whether or not a public swimming pool can be open on Sundays, that women thinking about getting an abortion have to be told lies by doctors in order to create even more guilt and mental trauma before undergoing the procedure, that I can't adopt my child because a child needs both a Mother AND a Father and my adopting Julia would forever keep her from ever having a father. Does that count as one gripe? Because it all stems from the same thing -- an absence of division between Church and State. And I do want to be clear that it's only Straight, LDS people who believe in the theocracy that I object to. I have straight white LDS friends who are perfectly wonderful people and whom I love. These people believe in individual choices and separation of church and state and that God does not make mistakes and thus gay people (and people of color) are not wrong, childish, lesser-than, and in need of serious self-control. But other than that, Utah is a truly lovely place and you all should come visit me some time.
- How has having Julia changed your life? Well, really, the change is so profound that it's hard to articulate. Obviously, my free time has been severely curtailed. And before she was born I NEVER would have gone to work with two-days-unwashed hair. But probably the most obvious and significant change (besides the total lack of restful sleep and the fact that I now SNIFF another being's behind on a regular basis) is that before Julia was born woe to the person who called our house before noon, not just on weekends, but ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. ( I worked an extremely flexible job from home and often didn't get up before noon) Now, I'm up for the day and dialing people at 8 in the morning on the weekends (that's sleeping in, because I'm up by 6:30 on weekdays) saying things like "gosh, I'm sorry to call so early, I didn't realize that you might still be sleeping as I've been up for hours." I used to pity my parents when they would talk about "sleeping in" till 8 on the weekends, and now I've become them. Oooh, it's a slippery slope. Next I'll probably start saying things like "this hurts me more than it hurts you" and telling perfect strangers to be careful when getting fragile things off high shelves...
- Are you EVER going to finish that kitchen? No. It's never going to be done. Never, ever, ever. It stretches on and on into the future, ruining all our weekends, forcing us to wash dishes in the bathtub, interfering with our laundry-doing. I did grout the floor last night, though, and just to give y'all a little mental image: I couldn't stand the thought of putting my grody tiling clothes on again, and I didn't want to ruin any more clothes, so I grouted in the nude -- well bra and panties. And vinyl gloves. Vinyl gloves infused with chamomile and moisturizers. Oooh, are my hands soft. My father claims that we'll be done two weekends after coming back from vacation. But I'll believe it when I see it.
- What’s your next remodeling project? I know that most of you don't believe me when I say that I HATE REMODELING. Some funny people have pointed out that I can't possibly hate remodeling as much as I claim to since we've constantly got our house torn apart. But I do. I do hate it. So now you know why I'm such a bitch all the time. I hate every part of remodeling except the part where it's done and you've got something great that you would never have been able to afford if you'd had to hire people and live elsewhere to do it. Plus, it's the only way of life I know. It's true. I always lived in a constuction zone as a kid, and now here I am recreating the pattern. It's sad. As far as this house goes, we need to paint the dark paneling in the basement a bright white color and do something about the corner with the exposed cement walls and pipes. And there's a part of our patio where the concrete is sunken. And our yard has this strange irrigation system where we have random hose bibs sticking up in strange places. None of these hose bibs work because we've shut them off in the house. There's a leak somewhere and I have a pretty good idea that the leak is under where the concrete is sunken. So I would really like to tear that concrete out, repair the pipe so we could use the hose bibs (they would be really handy in watering the garden and running the fountain/pond), and pour a new patio and maybe get a hottub. But that's 50 year old concrete and old concrete is really HARD. And it would be nice to get the pond to stop leaking. But other than that we're DONE with this house. We've put in a 3/4 bath in the basement, removed asbestos popcorn ceiling, redone the upstairs bath and put in a shower (there was only a tub there, now there's a tub with a shower) added a laundry room (the old woman who lived there since WWII did all her laundry by hand), removed all the carpet, polished up the wooden floors, painted the entire upstairs, and turned a dark, paneled office into a bright, charming nursery. And now the kitchen. I think we're done.
- What do you see yourself doing in 5 years? Working on the kitchen. Probably installing the banister at that point. Either that or working as a librarian someplace that doesn't have a theocracy keeping my family disempowered. Maybe trying to set up a homeschooling co-op.
Ok, now it's someone else's turn. I need five people to volunteer to be interviewed. Leave your application in the comments section...