I've spoken before about how I've been mistaken for Kristin's mother. Well, it's happened again.
There's this UPS guy that comes nearly every day. He's been the regular guy for months. We engage in chit chat as I sign his pad and accept the packages. I have 3 framed pictures on my desk. One is the one they took of Julia in the hospital. One is the cute one of her in her exersaucer. And one is our family photo. They've always been there. But Tuesday I spilled an entire Grande chai latte on my desk and so I take everything off my desk to clean it and perhaps when I put them back I set them down on a different angle or something, because when UPS guy came in yesterday he noticed them for the first time. And he said, "Oh! That sure is a cute baby you have pictures of. Is he your grandson?"
Is he your grandson.
Oh, there is just so much wrong with that statement. First off, I'm not so upset at the idea that someone could look at Julia and think she's a boy. I think babies are pretty gender neutral in their faces (hence the obsessive pink and bluing of babies). But I do object to the assumption of gender based on the fact that in the pictures Julia is dressed in bright, primary colors. Like only little boys wear red and orange and green.
But mostly I'm just pissed that once again I am related to the category of grandmother. And when I corrected him, "No, that's my daughter" he just looked confused -- not mortified. Confused like "How can someone as old as you have such a young daughter?" not "Oh my god, I can't believe I just called this young, nubile creature old!" And, of course, what I think was tripping him up was our family portrait. Heterosexism blinds many people to the possibility that a portrait with two women and a baby could be two mamas and their child. It must be some sort of other family configuration -- sisters, maybe, or mother daughter and grandchild.
but why why why must I always be the grandma? I don't look THAT much older than Kristin, do I?
It's my jowels, isn't it. You can tell me, I can handle it.
Maybe I should get a facelift...