Does this frame make me look old?

I've spoken before about how I've been mistaken for Kristin's mother. Well, it's happened again.

There's this UPS guy that comes nearly every day. He's been the regular guy for months. We engage in chit chat as I sign his pad and accept the packages. I have 3 framed pictures on my desk. One is the one they took of Julia in the hospital. One is the cute one of her in her exersaucer. And one is our family photo. They've always been there. But Tuesday I spilled an entire Grande chai latte on my desk and so I take everything off my desk to clean it and perhaps when I put them back I set them down on a different angle or something, because when UPS guy came in yesterday he noticed them for the first time. And he said, "Oh! That sure is a cute baby you have pictures of. Is he your grandson?"

Is he your grandson.

Oh, there is just so much wrong with that statement. First off, I'm not so upset at the idea that someone could look at Julia and think she's a boy. I think babies are pretty gender neutral in their faces (hence the obsessive pink and bluing of babies). But I do object to the assumption of gender based on the fact that in the pictures Julia is dressed in bright, primary colors. Like only little boys wear red and orange and green.

But mostly I'm just pissed that once again I am related to the category of grandmother. And when I corrected him, "No, that's my daughter" he just looked confused -- not mortified. Confused like "How can someone as old as you have such a young daughter?" not "Oh my god, I can't believe I just called this young, nubile creature old!" And, of course, what I think was tripping him up was our family portrait. Heterosexism blinds many people to the possibility that a portrait with two women and a baby could be two mamas and their child. It must be some sort of other family configuration -- sisters, maybe, or mother daughter and grandchild.

but why why why must I always be the grandma? I don't look THAT much older than Kristin, do I?

It's my jowels, isn't it. You can tell me, I can handle it.

Maybe I should get a facelift...

Posted by Trista @ 9:41 AM

Read or Post a Comment

I too would like a facelift. My family makes fun of my for walking around, pulling my cheeks tight and asking "doncha think?"
You, however, youthful blossom that you are, do NOT need a one. You look the same age as Kristin--though a bit more serious. Perhaps it's seriousness that confuses people. Youthful women should be silly, perky, dumb, bubbly, not serious, say the UPS men.

Posted by Blogger Nik @ 10:28 AM #

Yeah, I'm not getting the whole grandma association AT ALL. Sometimes, well, sometimes it would be great to suspend reality for a minute or two & drop kick those who make idiotic assumptions. How does the saying go? Don't assume, it makes an ASS out of U and ME.

Posted by Blogger Brooke @ 10:38 AM #

Maybe the poor UPS guy was dressed in little red velvet dresses for all his family photos and he was just taking it out on you.

You look great. Maybe switch to FedEx or something.

Posted by Blogger Amy @ 11:24 AM #

I agree with Nik, I was going to say the same thing, you look serious on the pic. I think you are both very beautiful and I don't think you look like a grandma at all! you look like a mamacita hehehehe :)

Posted by Blogger Sublime @ 11:30 AM #

Don't forget you are in the promised land where teen-aged motherhood is common and so is being a grandmother before you turn 40.

Posted by Blogger Spin_Doc1 @ 11:47 AM #

For a second I thought the title was "Do these frames make me look old?" and so I looked at the pic to the left, and was like, "Oh crap, I have the same frames! Does this mean I look old too?"

Probably not as I get carded every time I buy alcohol.

But to answer, NO Trista, you do not look old. UPS guy - crazy.

Posted by Blogger J @ 11:59 AM #

I can't believe that! I don't think you look old at all. I actually think you look youger.

Posted by Anonymous Anonymous @ 12:47 PM #

mmmmm, chai latte

I think you hit the nail on the head here; Heterosexism blinds many people to the possibility that a portrait with two women and a baby could be two mamas and their child.

you do not look old enough to be Kristin's mother. you look great in that pic.

Posted by Blogger cocoa @ 2:08 PM #

Ditto Cocoa's comment.

UPS guy, who's sight is poor enough to have never seen the pictures in the past, is not to be trusted.

Posted by Anonymous lauri @ 2:21 PM #

It is annoying about the gender/color assumption.

All of this makes me wish I didn't like pink so much . . . .

Posted by Anonymous lauri @ 2:23 PM #

UPS guy needs his license taken away because he CLEARLY can not see.

But I think his statements (in addition to being WAY off the mark) could be attributed a bit to what Spin Doc said.

& by the by- you look fab! I bet he didn't even notice when you changed your hair color.

Posted by Blogger Calliope @ 4:51 PM #

Good fricking grief. Those people in that state where you live are really just TOO MUCH. You do not by any stretch of the imagination look like a grandmother.

If it makes you feel better (and yes, I do ALWAYS tell this story when people have annoying age things like that) - I was, at age 23, taken to be the mother of both GMB AND WES (who is 4 years older than I). Harumph.

And in an interesting homosexism twist, we have an occasional problem with Wes being taken for female when we are here in Park Slope, because everyone is so conditioned to see lesbians everywhere - they see tiny short guy and think butch lesbian. But we never have this trouble in your sort of heartland areas - there they see male immediately with no questions.

Posted by Anonymous bri @ 7:46 PM #

OK - I have just obsessively gone through all your Flickr photos and I can tell you with no undertainty that you look nothing like a grandmother (unless you were a teenager mother and then your teenage kid had a kid, which is not your style at all). AND you won the Photo Friday for being absolutely scrumptious in your nudey bath because you're HOT which surely should give you some sort of indication what others think. And Little Mister still wants your phone number.

Don't get a facelift - they look creepy. I work with a woman who looks like a stretched canvas over a skeletal head. So not sexy.

Posted by Blogger mermaidgrrrl @ 7:54 PM #

You most certainly do not look like Kristin's mother!

It sounds like you two (you and UPS guy) had a nice friendship though. Hopefully you'll recover and it won't be too awkward the next time he comes by with a package.

One can always hope that he's gay too and just wanted confirmation from you to know it's okay to talk about. Likely not, but it could be.

Ditto on the facelift comments- yick.

Posted by Blogger Colette Denali @ 8:53 AM #

Megan has been called my mom a couple of times. Who *does* stuff like that??

Posted by Blogger hope @ 11:54 AM #

Um, that was a very bizarre reaction on UPS man's part. I like what spin_doc said, that may well be the problem?? I don't know. To me you look about my age (31) give or take a few years. But I actually have no idea how old you are.
C. and I get asked if we are sisters (this happens rarely, and only when we are not where we live, because we live somewhere where people Get It). And this is always funny to me because really, unless someone was adopted, we could not be sisters. We do not look even a little bit alike. But people who don't know how to read the intimacy of two women need to put it in a context.
(On the other hand, I have a close dyke friend, and we have never dated at all ever, and we get asked all the time if we are sisters...and we just enjoy that because that is a different misreading....our affection really isn't sexual, and we do, at least superficially, look alike. So that's just sweet.)
Poor UPS guy needs help, Trista. Maybe the culinarians can bake him something....

Posted by Blogger Lo @ 3:02 AM #

Are my ears burning? I don't know.

Jest and I have been asked TWICE or more whether I am her mother!!!!!! WE LOOK NOTHING ALIKE and we are the same age. People are desperate to find a title for your little family portrait and they grasp at whatever comes to their mind. It's so dumb.

It's always a compliment to be thought as pretty as my friends. I like it.

Posted by Blogger Whimsy @ 5:38 PM #
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