So I know you all want to know what happened when I went in for my follow-up fitting.
I proudly marched myself downstairs with freshly-shaved (and deodorized) under-arm areas and in my third-newest bra (the one that gives me three breasts)arrived for my fitting precisely on time. I didn't even look longingly at all the pretty bras that I will never, never fit . No, I only had eyes for my fit specialist. I knew who she was by her charming smile and her perky (perfectly fitted) breasts under a pink shirt, and the way her measuring tape seemed to glow as she lassoed it around people and they began speaking only the truth:
No, I never use a lingerie bag to launder my bras!
I wear the same bra every day without washing it!
Yes, you're right, I do (sniff) I do throw my bras in the dryer! (sob sob sob)
From the deceptive safely of my fitting room I listed as the woman before me confessed her dislike of her "flat breasts". "Oh, you're breasts are not flat." The Pink 'n Perky Wonder exclaimed, "You've just been wearing the wrong bra. You see, with the right bra you're breast tissue gets re-directed...." It was then I knew I was in competent hands.
And I was definitely in her hands. She did have to touch my breasts in order to help get me fitted. Wow. She is the first woman besides Kristin to touch my breasts in a very long time. I wonder if I should buy Kristin flowers? I wonder if I should buy The Pink 'n Perky Wonder flowers? I wonder if it was as good for her as it was for me? Maybe I should buy myself flowers? No, I can't buy anyone flowers because I just bought 2 bras. And let me tell you, these bras better not give me any trouble, or I will just give up and buy ace bandages and call myself Pat. (Ummm, if anyone reading this is called Pat, then I'm very sorry.)
Ok, so here you go. The dirt on my size. I bought 1 wacoal slimline minimizer in 42 G and 1 wacoal t-shirt bra in 44DDD. I have the greatest hopes in these babies. Of course, since I just spent too much money on a custom-fitted piece of clothing that will make me look great, I am now guaranteed to lose weight.
Or it could be that I joined Weight Watchers last night. But more on that another time.