Breasts revisited

So I know you all want to know what happened when I went in for my follow-up fitting.

I proudly marched myself downstairs with freshly-shaved (and deodorized) under-arm areas and in my third-newest bra (the one that gives me three breasts)arrived for my fitting precisely on time. I didn't even look longingly at all the pretty bras that I will never, never fit . No, I only had eyes for my fit specialist. I knew who she was by her charming smile and her perky (perfectly fitted) breasts under a pink shirt, and the way her measuring tape seemed to glow as she lassoed it around people and they began speaking only the truth:

No, I never use a lingerie bag to launder my bras!
I wear the same bra every day without washing it!
Yes, you're right, I do (sniff) I do throw my bras in the dryer! (sob sob sob)

From the deceptive safely of my fitting room I listed as the woman before me confessed her dislike of her "flat breasts". "Oh, you're breasts are not flat." The Pink 'n Perky Wonder exclaimed, "You've just been wearing the wrong bra. You see, with the right bra you're breast tissue gets re-directed...." It was then I knew I was in competent hands.

And I was definitely in her hands. She did have to touch my breasts in order to help get me fitted. Wow. She is the first woman besides Kristin to touch my breasts in a very long time. I wonder if I should buy Kristin flowers? I wonder if I should buy The Pink 'n Perky Wonder flowers? I wonder if it was as good for her as it was for me? Maybe I should buy myself flowers? No, I can't buy anyone flowers because I just bought 2 bras. And let me tell you, these bras better not give me any trouble, or I will just give up and buy ace bandages and call myself Pat. (Ummm, if anyone reading this is called Pat, then I'm very sorry.)

Ok, so here you go. The dirt on my size. I bought 1 wacoal slimline minimizer in 42 G and 1 wacoal t-shirt bra in 44DDD. I have the greatest hopes in these babies. Of course, since I just spent too much money on a custom-fitted piece of clothing that will make me look great, I am now guaranteed to lose weight.

Or it could be that I joined Weight Watchers last night. But more on that another time.

Posted by Trista @ 1:52 PM

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Why is it that bras skip E? Or is is it that DD = E? Really, the question is: why start the alphabet and then start stuttering on D? (I HAVE caused a few people to stutter when they saw my D+ breasts.... But that is a heat-of-the-moment sort of thing that one would think the bra industry, in general, would have gotten past.) It's like they're saying: your enormity causes us to be unable to understand your body; therefore we will come up with new terms to describe it (this quickly followed by the suggestion: I know! Let's use LOTS of Ds!!!). I imagine this discussion occurs in the Victoria's Secret boardroom, where they talk about the merit of creating a bra made of diamonds while deciding to quit selling DDs in their stores.

Or, weird sizing might be code for, "We're going to need a lot more fabric here!" (Also code for, "Delicate lavender-colored lace is NEVER going hold those things up.")

Posted by Anonymous Lauri @ 8:42 PM #

Excellent!! I still got ya beat baby.... 42 HHH (to Lauri, they DO go above D... but DDD is the biggest that most places sell... anything above that is normally superhuman and special order). But of course now I am a lovely 36/38 C-D which I loooove.
I have a very cheap alternative to your fancy bras. My way worked great, and was cheap.
XXXL sports bra that fits the boobs but hangs everywhere else.
ACE bandage wrap as tight as you can get it.
XXL sports bra that fits over the bound portion.
Heavy duty ACE wrap a little looser than the first, but not too loose!
A wife beater (man's undershirt), 2 sizes too small.

It'll take you 20 minutes to get the girls ready to go out, but it works! Considering that buying a bra that fit that was actually worth anything cost over a hundred bucks, I had to stick to the ACE wraps most of the time.

I remember the first bra fitting I had post surgery... here i was, a fully grown woman and I had NO CLUE what size bra I wore... not even a guess. Now I know, but i don't wear them. Since Charlie has been born and I've been toting him around and he's been nursing, all the adhesions on the chest wall are pulling loose which hurts like HELL, and so bras just add to the pain. I have been wearing the GlamourMom nursing tanks (someone bought some for Jeannie but she won't wear them) and they are AWESOME! If they weren't fifty bucks I'd get several more...

Posted by Blogger Estelle @ 7:45 AM #

okay, is it weird that i thought "hey! she wears the same bra size as me!" (42g) and i was all excited?

Posted by Blogger betsyl @ 10:06 AM #


Been there, done that, bought the really expensive bra... I once got measured without planning for it. I was super hot and sweaty because it was 105 outside.

For me, the weight loss only made them more saggy. Makes me want to be shallow and get breast surgery. (No offense to anyone who has had this.)

You are slightly bigger than me. Finally someone is bigger than me. I thought I was the only non-stripper with tata's this big. I'm a 36 DDD, but I can wear 38 DD.

Walmart (if you can stand to go in there and exploit the Chinese labor) happens to have a fairly nice selection of cheaper bras in larger sizes.

Posted by Blogger WendyLou @ 1:09 PM #

Hurrah for Wacoal. I bet you'll love 'em. I got my first Wacoals a few years ago and I have never looked back. Except for a few months back when I thought I could save a dime, and it was mistake. But I think I need a good fitting like you just had.

Posted by Blogger Katie (WannaBeMom) @ 2:12 PM #
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