Or, The jist of my luck these days.
I started my period. Which makes this a 20 day cycle. Sucky in and of itself because my periods are painful and heavy (something, of course, all of you were dying to know) but also sucky because I'm going to get pregnant next, and although that's a bit of a way out (like, say, a year) it's still bad news that my cycles are getting wackier.
Anyway. Like I was saying.
I escaped from my desk at my new (read: sucky) job and the rigorous demands of the nothing I have to do to go to the bathroom. And that's when I realized that IT had started. There is a dispenser in the bathroom, but I am so broke right now that I don't have quarter (turns out that the dispenser is free, but that's a moot point since I've discovered that it's also empty) and I was not about to go begging a quarter off my new lawyer office mates. So, I had brought in my makeup bag and I dejectedly began digging through it in the hope that there was a lone, lorn tampon hiding in there. Oh My God! There was the most bedraggled tampon hiding at the very bottom. I anxiously opened the packaging, praying that the inside was still pristine. It was! Eureka, I was saved. I finished unwrapping it and moved to insert it and in my joy my hand shook and I dropped it in the toilet that I hadn't yet flushed. Not that I could have used it if the water were clean since a tampon, by its very nature, absorbs liquids on contact, but the fact that the bowl was, ahem, not clean (though not too, too dirty, if you catch my drift) just added insult to injury. And I did it all myself.
I was forced to Martha Stewart it and make my own from scratch, and that puts a whole new perspective on getting your panties in a wad.