7.18.2006

Channelling Queen Latifah

I've written before about some of my body issues. I'm overweight and I struggle with self esteem. I don't struggle with self esteem because I'm overweight. Perhaps I'm overweight because I struggle with self esteem? Probably. That and genetics.

Now, I love Queen Latifah. Loooooooooove her. Oooh, the things I think about her... I'd say they'd make her blush if she knew. But not her. No, not QL. She's got too much sass and moxie. I think she'd just laugh and...

Anway. I have spent a great deal of time looking hard at QL's body. I think it's luscious. So beautiful. And a couple weeks ago I was telling Kristin this when we were watching one of her movies. And Kristin looked at me and said, "you know, you're loving her body, but you're skinnier than she is." Well, I really doubt that. But then I know that my body image is nowhere near based in reality. I could be 110 lbs, soaking wet with my clothes on, and I would be convinced that I was overweight and ugly. So, I'm choosing to believe what Kristin says. QL, sexy lady that she is, is heavier than I. So, sexiness isn't weight, but attitude.

Well, duh. I knew that. I know that. But still, I can't make a change... until, maybe, now.

This past weekend I got a bit intoxicated. And, while under the influence, I had a thought. See, I've been trying to grow my hair out. I used to be able to sit on my hair, and I thought that it would be nice to have long hair again. Except that long hair is HOT. Not hott. Hot. And it's been over 100 degrees here every day forever. And it takes a lot of work to make it look nice. My preferred method of doing my hair is washing it and forgetting about it. Not easy to do with long hair unless you want to put it in pony tails or braids every day. I long for one of those short messy sexy cuts. But I haven't let myself get one. Because I worry...

I worry about looking like a pin head. Like a tiny little head on top of a gigantic body. I worry that people will watch me walk by and think, "I guess she's pretty, but my god does she have a tiny little head and a gigantic body." I think, in my twisty little brain, that if I have longer hair it will make my head look bigger, and thus my body will look smaller in comparison. The bigger my head, the skinnier I'll look. Feel free to laugh now. I know, it's ridiculous. But I haven't been able to let that thought go.

So, I stay away from cuts that would fit my lifestyle, my personality, and that I have been told would look fantastic on me because I want people to think I'm skinnier than I am. And here's the kicker: it's not like I'm fooling anybody now anyway.

I realized that I have been working under the delusion that it's better to be an ugly skinny woman than a drop-dead gorgeous fat woman. And I also realized how ridiculous that mental trap is. Sexy is attitude, and my attitude has been shit. I don't want to be premature, but I think I've made an important change. I think that this time, something fundamental has shifted.

Now I just have to decide which short, sexy cut I'm going to go get...

Posted by Trista @ 9:40 AM

Read or Post a Comment

omg- I LOVE QL. & I love that you can see her & her shape for what it is: fabulous. & you are also right- it is ALL in her attitude.
Very excited about you mulling on a new cut. I had the exact same frets. Well in so much as I worried that the length of my hair could somehow make my butt seem smaller. Now that I have shorter hair & find that I am not hiding behind my hair as much.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL no matter what!

Posted by Blogger Calliope @ 10:25 AM #
 

I've had similar dilemmas regarding the length of my hair, EXCEPT, I'be been trying to figure out what would make my head SMALLER. I look at old class pictures & for whatever reason, my eyes go right to that big boulder of a head I have :)

I think you're totally right about sexiness being an attitude. When I'm, er, "in the mood," I'm generally not thinking about all of the body flaws I have, but rather just getting into the idea that I'm sexy.

Eagerly anticipating the new do! I second Cali's sentiment. You're a sexy, sassy girl, Trista, whatever your hair style ;)

Posted by Blogger Brooke @ 11:29 AM #
 

You know, Queen Lafifah wasn't always Queen. She added that later. Because that's how she wanted it to be.

So, here's to Queen Trista:)

Posted by Blogger Lauri @ 1:09 PM #
 

Hey I totally think the same way about big body, little head. That is why I had such long hair too, but it got too hot, and I just didn't care any more. As long as I was happy with cutting my hair then I was gonna do it, and I did. It also helped that Sum was all for it too. After all the only one I want to impress is her!

Posted by Blogger Merr @ 1:32 PM #
 

Go, Queen Trista, Go!

Posted by Anonymous Liza @ 2:24 PM #
 

I realized that I have been working under the delusion that it's better to be an ugly skinny woman than a drop-dead gorgeous fat woman.

Holy crap, Trista -- I identified with this whole post so much, but especially the line I quoted above. Yeah. You're definitely not the only one who catches yourself thinking that kind of stuff. Thanks for giving us so much of your honesty -- in this post & others. I feel a little saner now myself. :)

Posted by Blogger Anne @ 4:48 PM #
 

P.S. Queen Latifah? HOT HOT HOT. *fans self*

Posted by Blogger Anne @ 4:49 PM #
 

Girl! You go get a SASSY hair do.

It helped me.

I'll never be 110 pounds. I'd be HAPPY to be 180 these days.

But let me tell you, the new hair cut and new glasses went a LONG way to making me feel more sexy like Queen Latifa does!

So you GO and get a sassy do. I can't wait for pictures.

Posted by Blogger Shelli @ 9:45 PM #
 

I know precisely what you mean. I finally bit the bullet and chopped mine off last summer, all the while listening to the stylist go on and on about what a sin it is to be chopping off such beautiful long hair.

Screw her. (Or rather, don't.)

That haircut was my favorite hairstyle of all time. It looked AWESOME.

Go chop it off. You'll love yourself for doing it!

Posted by Anonymous Molly @ 12:50 PM #
 

Go, you!

Posted by Anonymous bri @ 1:51 PM #
 

I am so desperately hot for Queen and her lush, sexy body and divine personality. Every time she comes on TV Little Mister laughs at me and yells "There's your girlfriend!" Didn't you love it in the hair salon movie when she asks "Does my butt look big in these pants? Good!"

Posted by Blogger mermaidgrrrl @ 12:21 AM #
 
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