and/or am seriously sabotaging my attempts to build a base of slavishly loyal minions.
These days it hurts when I sit.
I am taking a full course of antibiotics for the first time in years. That's because I used to have no health insurance and was forced to rely on the student clinic at the university for my health care. And there at the student clinic they only have one diagnosis: it's a virus, get the hell out of here and don't come back. No, I'm not giving you drugs! You don't need drugs you need some self-control! Yeah, that's right, I said you need some self-control you little whiner. Now stop coughing on me and take your sorry germ-ass out of here.
Yeah, I went there, but really it was only for the samples of condoms and lube (mighty handy when camping or travelling light).
But now I have insurance and so can go to a clinic that likes to throw medication around like it's confetti. Hurray! You're sick! Try some of these! and these! and these! And thus the antibiotics. And thus the problem down there. You know what I'm talking about, don't make me say it.
It hurts. So I went to the store to get some medication for it. Now here's the thing. I am allergic to mineral oil. My skin (and any other of my tissues that come in contact with it) totally freaks out and overreacts to its presence. When I was younger the reaction was so severe that I would be miserable for days, covered in angry red welts and oozing sores and boils from just a small exposure. Now that I'm older I'm not quite so reactive, but it still makes me uncomfortable and (if it's on visible skin) pretty ugly. Why am I going on about this? Because they used to sell an OTC medication that consisted of hard little suppositories. NO MINERAL OIL INCLUDED. I loved these. They were wonderful. I can't find them any more. Now there's only cream, cream, cream. Oh yeah, and those "soft, soothing" suppositories that are basically just slightly hardened cream. And the cream? You got it, chock full o'mineral oil.
So now, tell me, what am I to do? I have a doctor's appointment next week. My doctor's so new to me (this'll be the first real appointment I've had with her -- the emergency sinus infection appointment doesn't count) so I don't want to call to ask her to prescribe one of those oral medications for me, and I have a HUGE problem showing that part of me to anyone, but especially when it's, um, out of commission, shall we say. I've used yoghurt before, but I really don't have my hippy on right now. So I sat (ha ha, not really) in the aisle in the grocery store and deliberated. And deliberated. And then decided: the 3 day treatment with the least amount of The Liquid Evil I could find.
So now it's hard to tell if I'm healing from the original condition what with all the soreness from the allergy. Two days down, one left to go.
To add insult to injury, I left the package on the floor of the bathroom (we have a pedestal sink thus no counterspace) last night. And when we got up this morning it was gone. GONE. Kristin found it. Empty. Then she found the suppository. Very chewed. Very dog slobbery. But the foil was not punctured so guess what? Yup, I'm going to use it anyway even in its mangled condition. I mean, how would I know I was home if I got to take medications without having them sampled by Oliver first?
It'll be a bit difficult, though, because he also snacked on the applicator. And I am NOT putting that in my crockpot, if you know what I mean.