The post in which I offer definitive (and exhaustive) proof that I never wanted readers

and/or am seriously sabotaging my attempts to build a base of slavishly loyal minions.

These days it hurts when I sit.

I am taking a full course of antibiotics for the first time in years. That's because I used to have no health insurance and was forced to rely on the student clinic at the university for my health care. And there at the student clinic they only have one diagnosis: it's a virus, get the hell out of here and don't come back. No, I'm not giving you drugs! You don't need drugs you need some self-control! Yeah, that's right, I said you need some self-control you little whiner. Now stop coughing on me and take your sorry germ-ass out of here.

Yeah, I went there, but really it was only for the samples of condoms and lube (mighty handy when camping or travelling light).

But now I have insurance and so can go to a clinic that likes to throw medication around like it's confetti. Hurray! You're sick! Try some of these! and these! and these! And thus the antibiotics. And thus the problem down there. You know what I'm talking about, don't make me say it.

It hurts. So I went to the store to get some medication for it. Now here's the thing. I am allergic to mineral oil. My skin (and any other of my tissues that come in contact with it) totally freaks out and overreacts to its presence. When I was younger the reaction was so severe that I would be miserable for days, covered in angry red welts and oozing sores and boils from just a small exposure. Now that I'm older I'm not quite so reactive, but it still makes me uncomfortable and (if it's on visible skin) pretty ugly. Why am I going on about this? Because they used to sell an OTC medication that consisted of hard little suppositories. NO MINERAL OIL INCLUDED. I loved these. They were wonderful. I can't find them any more. Now there's only cream, cream, cream. Oh yeah, and those "soft, soothing" suppositories that are basically just slightly hardened cream. And the cream? You got it, chock full o'mineral oil.

So now, tell me, what am I to do? I have a doctor's appointment next week. My doctor's so new to me (this'll be the first real appointment I've had with her -- the emergency sinus infection appointment doesn't count) so I don't want to call to ask her to prescribe one of those oral medications for me, and I have a HUGE problem showing that part of me to anyone, but especially when it's, um, out of commission, shall we say. I've used yoghurt before, but I really don't have my hippy on right now. So I sat (ha ha, not really) in the aisle in the grocery store and deliberated. And deliberated. And then decided: the 3 day treatment with the least amount of The Liquid Evil I could find.

So now it's hard to tell if I'm healing from the original condition what with all the soreness from the allergy. Two days down, one left to go.

To add insult to injury, I left the package on the floor of the bathroom (we have a pedestal sink thus no counterspace) last night. And when we got up this morning it was gone. GONE. Kristin found it. Empty. Then she found the suppository. Very chewed. Very dog slobbery. But the foil was not punctured so guess what? Yup, I'm going to use it anyway even in its mangled condition. I mean, how would I know I was home if I got to take medications without having them sampled by Oliver first?

It'll be a bit difficult, though, because he also snacked on the applicator. And I am NOT putting that in my crockpot, if you know what I mean.

Posted by Trista @ 8:33 AM

Read or Post a Comment

Ok, look, I haven't blogged about it but I am in a similar hell because of my persistent sinus infection and its resultant antibiotics. No mineral oil allergy, but swap in pregnancy, where you can't take a lot of drugs. I am using the cream but I am not allowed to take the oral medication.

Here's my assvice:
1) CALL YOUR DOC AND TAKE THE ORAL MED. They deal with "embarrassing" stuff all the time and all you need to say is, "I'm on antibiotics and.... Can you call in a prescription for D!fluc@n? Thanks." Chances are s/he will with no questions or exams needed. I would be SO HAPPY if I could take one little pill and make all this unpleasantness go away. Do it for me. Hell, I'll call the doc for you. :)

2) If you really can't handle that, join me in earth-mama land. Take oral probiotics (go to the co-op or health food store and ask for the most wham-o probiotic they've got)and fun, fun, take a vinegar bath every night. Pour a goodly amount into a shallow warm bath and ya know, splash the vinegary water around the appropriate zone.

3) Eat less sugar until it clears up. I can't do it. But it would be good if I could. Addiction....

4) Hang in there, and know you have a sister in suffering.

Posted by Blogger Jen @ 9:15 AM #

Basically, whenever I get an antibiotic prescription, I also ask for d1fluc@n. Thankfully I have not had one since being pregnant, because I don't know if the d!fluc@n can be taken in pregnancy.

I got strep throat just before I got married, and did not get the pill. Got a hummdinger of a yeast infection in Jackson Hole. That must be why we have so many nice pictures of the Teatons and Yellowsone.

Posted by Blogger WendyLou @ 9:32 AM #

No advice here, but a big wave of sympathy. It sounds just miserable and I hope you can get it to go away ASAP.

Posted by Anonymous Liza @ 9:53 AM #

wendylou - "Got a hummdinger of a yeast infection in Jackson Hole." - HAHAHA - I thought this was some new hoo-ha term I hadn't heard before. Excellent.

I'm with Jen (what else is new - she IS my Doppelganger). You need to call the flippin' doctor and get.that.pill. I was an absolutely chronic yeast-infection-getter back when I slept with bio-boys. I can also sympathize because progesterone suppositories seem to make my nether regions go absolutely AFLAME. Burning, fiery hell between my legs. So please. For us. Get some assistance pronto.

Posted by Anonymous bri @ 1:28 PM #

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Posted by Blogger starevelina @ 9:46 PM #

Well, I hope it's gone away by now and you don't need my two cents, but if you're interested, my best success has been with essential oils. The last time or two, I think I used lavender, juniper, and melaleuca (tea tree oil)- blended them in a bowl (diluted with grapeseed or almond oil if you're sensitive), dipped a tampon in, and well, you get the idea. Three times a day worked for me in three days or so. J doesn't usually get them, but she has used Vitanica "Yeast Arrest" suppositories with success. I don't know if your health food store has that, but if not, they're made of boric acid, oregon grape root, and calendula flowers- there are probably other herbals like that on the shelf. I hope you're already getting some relief and serenity, and if not, then soon!

Posted by Blogger starevelina @ 9:48 PM #



i hope you stop needing to claw bits off soon.

Posted by Blogger betsyl @ 6:24 PM #
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