And you thought I had penile issues...

The following is an ebay auction that has since been removed:

Time left: 6 days 8 hours
7-day listing, Ends Feb-06-06 16:20:47 PST
Start time: Jan-30-06 16:20:47 PST
History: 0 bids
Item location: Calgary, Alberta

Ships to: Worldwide
Shipping costs: Check item description and payment instructions or contact seller for details


I am looking for a sponsor to help with the costs of circumcision for my son, who is due March 24, 2006. I remember the first and last time I ever saw an uncircumcised penis was the most atrociously, horrendous experience of my life. The lights were low, aromatic candles in the air, jazz music in the background, did the foreplay thing, and the clothes started coming off. The underwear came off last - otherwise I would have been gone a long time ago. I gawked at this "thing" that looked like the cross-species offspring of an earthworm, an elephant trunk, and a piggy in a blanket (a.k.a. sausage roll). I froze in sheer terror for a half second or so, then I screamed at the top of my lungs, and ran out of there like there was no tomorrow - I didn't even bother to grab my clothes, just ran out of there naked with nothing but my purse. I am sure you can only imagine how mortified that poor man felt, and to this day that foul & repulsive image of monstrosity still haunts my worst nightmares. I'm sure there's nothing like suffering that one-of-a-kind, unique experience to boost a man's self esteem. J So, you must understand why my baby should never have to go through anything of that nature.

The baby may be born a lot earlier than originally scheduled because of certain complications. They have changed my ultrasound schedule from once every 4-6 weeks to once every 1-2 weeks. Every ultrasound will determine whether the baby has to come out now or if he can stay in for another week. Note: No persons, including the parents, or filming/photography are allowed in the room at the time of circumcision. Before & after photos will be taken as proof, along with a statement provided by the doctor performing the procedure. My son will also wear a shirt stating "I got circumcised courtesy of ***name of sponsor & logo or contact information***!" 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for an entire month (length of time and message may be renegotiated prior to auction ending), if desired by the winning bidder.

I was born with one kidney (which was damaged severely in 2002) and a bicornuate uterus (causing many complications in the pregnancy); therefore I am limited to the type of employment, activities, and amount of work that I can participate in. I lost my work-at-home job shortly after we found out I was pregnant and would greatly appreciate the help provided. We are good parents who planned the pregnancy. We made the efforts of getting married, purchasing a house, and waiting until we both had steady jobs & were financially stable before we even thought about creating another responsibility. However, as luck would have it, I never even got the chance to tell my employer that I was pregnant before he went bankrupt. And because I was considered a private contractor there is no unemployment insurance available to me. Fortunately, I have a very loving husband who does his best to support me emotionally and us financially. But that just barely gets us by. I hope that you will be able to help us in our time of need. I am available for hire for a work-at-home job (e.g.: data entry, phone service, etc.) that requires no start up costs. Thanks for your time and consideration!

Ok, I had wondered if this was a joke, but there was a webaddress associated with the auction announcement and if this is a joke then someone has gone to a great deal of trouble to set this thing up. But it's possible, so if it is a joke, well then, oh well.

Now before y'all get your shorts in a twist, I am not posting this as my entry into the circumcision debate. I'm not going there with this. My biggest beef is her reasoning behind the decision and her chosen method for solving the problem. I'm posting this because of the horrifying commercialization of the child's body as well as the normalization of what seem to be some pretty severe issues regarding the intact male penis.

Because she ran out of an apartment stark naked (but strangely managed to have the wherewithal to grab her purse -- not scoop up her clothes, no, not that, that would have taken too long. Is anyone else wondering about a woman who might be completely naked but keep her purse handy?) at the mere glimpse of an intact penis she assumes that most or every woman would also have done (and will do) so, and that thus every intact male will have this kind of experience, and that instead of realizing that the woman he was about to have sex with is crazy, he will realize that he is the freak.

Man, I know I've got issues, but at least I don't normalize them to the point where I will sell my child's body rather than work through them and heal. Frankly, any woman that would run out of an apartment naked (except for her purse) because she meremly saw (unless there's something more about that situation than she mentioned, and it's possible, but the way she's presented it, the problem is only that she saw it and not that it attacked her) an intact penis, does not sound emotionally stable enough to have children. What will happen the first time she sees the baby? Will they have to diaper the child before handing him to her for fear she'll jump up off the table, dropping the baby and ripping out the iv and run naked and bleeding from the hospital? And what about the first time the baby poops? or pees on her? or vomits? Or any of the other disgusting but natural things a baby is going to do?

And then that she would sell her child's body, be willing to turn her baby's chest into real estate is just too atrocious for words. Hey, give me money and I will place your logo on my baby's clothes for as long as you like (well, ok, many of us place people's logos on our child's body and pay for the priviledge but still...). If someone gives her enough money will she have the logo tattooed on the child? Can you hear that conversation down the road? "Sweetie, it says Nike on your chest because that way I could stay home with you during your first year. I know you don't remember it, but it was a very important time for us and you should be grateful for that distorted blue smudge that used to be a swoop over your heart. Of course, we blew through that money before you turned 2, so that's why your left arm says Penzoil and your right arm says Pepsi. What I can't believe, though, sweetie, is why you're so upset about the Taco Bell logo on your forehead. What's so wrong with it? You're just being ungrateful, do you realize how long I had to court them to secure that marketing deal for you? After I take my cut, that contract'll pay for part of your college education! I think it makes you look distinguished. I mean really, at least you don't have a foreskin, because that's much more likely to interfere with your future happiness than a body covered in commercial advertising. And I think the NBC logo I'm working on getting will look perfectly wonderful on your ass. All you need to do to fulfill the contract is promise to wear butt-less pants for 18 months!" Lovely.

Thanks to Estelle for the heads up.

Posted by Trista @ 12:09 PM

Read or Post a Comment

Really just pitiful for so many reasons - the (lacking) logic, the melodrama, the stupid need to make her kid's penis look like other penises at his physical expense, the selling of his little body and maybe, just maybe most pitiful of all, the fact that she conceived to begin with.

Posted by Anonymous Christy @ 12:58 PM #

What's with the lettering:

SpOnSoR fOr CiRcUmCiSiOn

Even if she's serious, how can she expect a "buyer" to take this seriously? Crazy half-capital letters don't exactly scream: "responsible mom wanting to do what's best for her child."

Posted by Anonymous lauri @ 4:04 PM #

Jaw on keyboard. Cannot even speak. Holy shit.

Posted by Blogger hd @ 7:28 PM #

Good LORD--it's all i can say.

Posted by Blogger Amanda @ 2:55 PM #

Dear Trista, my name is Salime, I'm from a city called Merida in Mexico, i bumped into your blog by browsing with the "next blog" button and i loved it, i've been reading all your stuff since last week, and i'm almost done. I just wanna say congratulations for you daugther and your beautiful marriage, that I get it from the way you write about your wife. I'm a straight 30 yr. old woman, but I have a lot of really close friends that are guy/lesbian. and my best friend and her partner are always dreaming of having a baby so your story just gave me hope that they will get their dream. altough Merida is a really closed minded city.

Anyways, sorry for writing all this on the wrong place but I couldn't find an email address.

Keep the great work, your blog is really cool, I will like for you to check out my blog, I share it with a friend from Chicago who lives in mexico, so there are a few post in english that you could read, because everything else is on spanish hehehee.

A big hug from my side of the world.

Sincerally, Salime

Posted by Blogger Sublime @ 10:06 PM #
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